Show yourself compassion.
Reducing self-judgment helps us extend compassion to others. You might try:
- Placing a hand over your heart
- Saying to yourself:
- “This might be a tough conversation.”
- “Tough conversations are part of life.”
- “May I be kind to myself in this moment.”
- “May I give myself the compassion I need.”
Practices like these can help lower your physiological stress response before conversations. If you’re interested in strategies for reducing interpersonal stress and navigating conflict, you might find the Improving Interactions course especially helpful.
2. Use the Spirit of Motivational Interviewing
In the conversation, engage, focus, and explore using a Motivational Interviewing (MI) style. MI is based on partnership, acceptance, compassion, and evocation. It helps us face forward with the person and support their growth and change.
One of the core ideas in MI is that the person already has the capacity for change—they just need space and support to talk themselves into it. This is what we call “evoking change talk,” and it’s one of the skills we explore deeply in our MI Foundations course.
MI is a treasure-hunt, strengths-based approach. As Goethe once said:
“The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become.”
MI-Based Communication Strategies
Here are some specific skills that support this approach:
- Ask permission to explore the topic
- Use bracketing questions to normalize behavior:
“People approach drinking in a lot of ways—some do ‘x,’ ‘y,’ or ‘z.’ How would you describe your approach?”
- Ask what they already know, what they’d like to know, and how you can be helpful
- Ask permission to share a concern or to offer a menu of options
- Support and affirm the efforts they’re already making
- Approach with curiosity, not persuasion—they are the expert in their own life
- Tie suggestions to their values, while respecting their autonomy:
If you’ve ever struggled with someone being silent, stuck, or saying “I don’t know,” there are MI-based techniques to navigate those moments with more ease. We explore these deeper skills in our MI Beyond mini-courses, which are designed for more advanced practice and reflection.
Keep in mind:
“It’s not immoral to try to make someone change. It is simply not possible.”
Stepping Into Tough Conversations With Confidence
Tough conversations are part of healthcare—and part of being human. But when emotions run high or time is short, it’s easy to fall into habits that create distance instead of connection. Maybe we give advice too quickly, push for change, or rush to fill the silence. Over Zoom, it can feel even harder: nonverbal cues are limited, and awkward pauses can feel more intense. These moments often leave both people feeling frustrated or unheard.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. With a bit of preparation and a Motivational Interviewing mindset, we can approach these conversations differently. That might mean pausing before jumping in, asking permission to share your thoughts, using open questions to understand their perspective, and recognizing their strengths. Even small shifts like these can help build connection, even through a screen.
When we guide with curiosity and respect, reluctance around change has a chance to drop. The other person feels heard, and the conversation becomes more collaborative. You don’t have to be perfect—just present and open to learning. If you’re ready to build your MI skills, CCMI offers training, practice, and feedback to help make tough conversations a little easier for you and the people you serve.
